


Illogical Feelings

by Lovethistoomuch



Series: Spock/McCoy Love Story [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Drama, First Kiss, Happy Ending, M/M, Mind Meld, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:38:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24670183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovethistoomuch/pseuds/Lovethistoomuch
Summary: McCoy's eyes widened. “I must be wrong!” He said. “It just...it looks like that necklace of Spock's mother. The one she gave him, to remember him by. I saw it in his quarters but... there must be thousands like it. This cannot be the same!” He let out a laugh. “Why would I have Spock's necklace?"This time, it's not Spock who goes to the alternate timeline but McCoy and with him, he takes a token of Spock's affection, who, in the future, is in fact his husband. When the younger versions of Spock, McCoy and Kirk find out, a bit of a crisis ensues, but maybe also something that should have happened a long time ago.
Relationships: Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Spock
Series: Spock/McCoy Love Story [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1783732
Comments: 10
Kudos: 80





	Illogical Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> While I consider the events of [Logical Decisions ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19943191) canon to this story (Spock giving the necklace to McCoy), it is not necessary to read it first to understand this one.

A lot had happened in the the last few weeks. When Starfleet had received the transmission from Delta Vega, they at first thought that it was an elaborate hoax but the very angry voice with a very heavy southern accent had eventually convinced them of the urgency of the matter. He had come from the future and with the help of a very talented engineer named Scott, he had managed to reach Starfleet and warn them about the destruction of Vulcan. The planet could not be saved, but the Vulcans could and, eventually, Nero was captured.

Now, being the nearest ship, the Enterprise under the command of captain Kirk was tasked to retrieve the informant from Delta Vega. There was another reason why the Enterprise was the perfect vessel for this job, because the informant was no other than Doctor Leonard McCoy from the future. There had been many debates about whether or not future McCoy should meet his former self and his friends from the past but Starfleet psychologists had come to the conclusion that avoiding the matter would be worse than confronting it.

Young McCoy had been a bundle of nerves ever since he heard the news and he was bouncing on his heels as they stood in the transporter room, ready to welcome their new passenger. Even though they would deny it and say it was purely on accident, Spock and Kirk were standing either side of him for emotional support.

Kirk glanced at Bones, who had his hands behind his back in a firm grasp and whose jaw was pressed together tightly. He took a breath. “Energise!”, Kirk commanded and soon the characteristic sound of the transporter beam followed. There he was.

He was old, incredibly old. He was wearing a brown jacket that might be leather with matching pants. Under the jacket, he wore two shirts, one of which only the collar was visible and a scarf that was tied around his neck in a way that had been out of fashion for centuries, or maybe it was not in fashion yet, with a big knot in the front. He was incredibly skinny. Young McCoy's first thought was, that he needed to support that man to get him to sickbay.

The old man looked at them for a moment. He raised an eyebrow. His eyes were bright and sparkled in the light and suddenly, he smiled. Young McCoy wondered, when he had learned to smile like that? Warm and happy, looking not old but suddenly full of life.

“Jim!”, old McCoy said with the warmth and love that comes from decades of friendship and McCoy could feel a reflection of the love that resonated in his own heart. And then. “Spock!”, old McCoy said in the same tone. Very softly and lovingly and McCoy's shoulder tensed. He could see a shift in Spock's stance next to him. Then the bright eyes focused on him, the younger McCoy.

The smile got even brighter. “Now look at me!”, the old man said: “I'm looking good, don't I” He wanted to step forward but then stopped himself. “Excuse me”, he said: “Permission to come aboard, Captain?”

Kirk almost didn't answer. He was too stunned. “Permission granted”, he snapped as he remembered: “Welcome aboard, Doctor McCoy.”

“Now, Jim”, the old man stepped off of the platform: “I have been retired for so many years now. Why don't you call me Leonard? That goes for all of you.” His eyes shot to Spock but quickly found young McCoy's “Since nobody ever calls me that, it should be a nice distinction.” he winked and McCoy felt like dying. This was supposed to be him?

“As you wish, Leonard.” Kirk had caught himself: “You will be escorted to sickbay for medical examination and then McCoy will show you to your quarters. I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about...” That last part got him a glare from McCoy and an amused look from Leonard. This should be fun, Kirk decided. “Once you are ready, we also need a full report for Starfleet. If you wish, someone other than me can make the recording, someone who is less...confusing.”

“Thank you Jim, but that won't be necessary. I hope you don't mind me calling you Jim?”, there it was, the familiar grumpiness in Leonard's voice that suggested he did not really care what the answer to that question was.”

Kirk had to smile. “Of course not!”

They walked to sickbay in relative silence. McCoy's head was buzzing with questions but he didn't know how to ask even one of them, where to start?

To cope, he just went into full professional mode. They were alone in sickbay. Chappel and the rest of the staff had had the decency to stay away. They probably did it for their own safety as well.

“Please remove your jacket and your shirt and lie down on one of the beds”, he instructed: “only one layer of clothing, please.” As he saw the amusement in Leonards eyes, he wanted to bite his own tongue.

“You know, you don't have to say all these things, I'm a doctor as well”, Leonard remarked, taking off his jacket: “You must have a thousand questions...”

“Please lie down and remain still”, McCoy ordered, avoiding to look at the other man. Leonard sighed and did as he was asked. There was a moment of silence.

“So, you're friends with Spock?”, McCoy finally burst out totally unprompted. He shot a quick glance at Leonard's face.

The old man's eyebrow shot up again. “What makes you say that?”

“The way you looked at him, how you addressed him, as if you were friends, just like Jim and I.”

“And that surprises you?”

“Yeah!”

“I see...”

McCoy looked at the monitor. There was something strange there, an unusual reading.

“But you cannot really, truly be surprised?”, Leonard went on, his voice curious: “I remember...I mean, I am pretty sure, I've always liked the fellow or at least enjoyed his company.”

“There is something blocking my instruments”, McCoy said, avoiding the subject. Of course he had always liked Spock! But being friends required this kind of affection to be mutual, which it wasn't.

“I can't get a clear reading. Are you wearing any kinds of metals, anything that could interfere with the instruments?” He turned his head, shifting his gaze from the monitor to Leonard and tried not to notice the look the old man was giving him, as if he was examining him under a microscope.

“I am wearing something”, he said: “But it has never been a problem.”

McCoy raised his eyebrow.

“Okay, you've caught me”, Leonard grumbled: “I have not had myself examined in decades but you know how it is.”

McCoy shook his head in a half nod. He did hate examinations. “Fine, just put it in here.” He grabbed a little metal bowl that was lying around and stretched it out to Leonard.

As the old man sat up with some difficulty, he grabbed his arm and helped him.

“Thanks”, Leonard said in a tone that implied the opposite. As soon as he was sitting, he reached for something at his neck. With a bit of difficulty, he detached a fine, silver necklace and pulled it out from under his shirt. McCoy could not help but stare at it. It was a diamond shaped, light blue pendant, surrounded by another, delicate, silver diamond shape. When he looked at Leonard, the old man's eyes were suddenly piercing.

“Isn't that...”, McCoy shut his mouth.

Leonard looked at him carefully, as if he was searching for something in his face. “Do you know this necklace?” He sounded surprised.

McCoy's eyes widened. “I must be wrong!” He said. “It just...it looks like that necklace of Spock's mother. The one she gave him, to remember him by. I saw it in his quarters but... there must be thousands like it. This cannot be the same!” He let out a laugh. “Why would you have Spock's necklace, I mean...” He stopped. There was a look on Leonard's face that suddenly shut him up and made him freeze.

The old man looked sad. “I know I probably shouldn't do this, but... Have you ever wished you could tell your younger self something so badly! You sit there and think: had I only known this sooner! And now... now I actually can and I'm not sure I should...”

“What are you talking about?” McCoy's brain must have stopped working. Maybe this was a dream after all?

“There is something I wished I'd known at your age but I am not sure how I would have handled it back then. I mean, I can see you now. I remember what it was like to be you and yet...” He stopped: “Maybe I have already said too much.”

McCoy blinked. “Are you telling me, that this is actually Spock's necklace, that he gave it to me for some reason!?” Insanity. That's what it must feel like!

“Some reason”, Leonard said softly.

“No!” McCoy sounded angry. He did not really know why. He did not really feel angry, did he? Then why did he sound like that?

“This must come as a shock to you”, Leonard said in that concerned way that made McCoy's blood boil.

“Don't bullshit me!”, he snapped: “Don't give me that doctor voice! What is actually going on!?” He hated how desperate he sounded. He really needed to get a grip on himself!

Leonard remained outwardly calm. “Yes”, he said: “Spock gave this necklace to me, as a gift. As a token of his... affection. Before we got married.”

“WHAT!?” If there had been a window, McCoy would have jumped out of it.

“Listen, kid”, there it was, that voice again: “I know this seems hard for you to believe, I really do, trust me. I am probably the only person in this universe who does, but it is true! That pointy eared, green blooded computer actually likes us.”

“I...”, McCoy started and stopped: “I... someone else needs to do this examination. I can't deal with this!” He meant to storm off but his body was not cooperating with him, so he stayed frozen in place, staring into the void. Suddenly, he realised that there was a hand on his arm.

“I know that we did not think this was possible after our first marriage failed but it actually happened”, Leonard said, his voice very soft: “Someone fell in love with us again.”

“Bullshit!”, McCoy jerked his arm away, his rage finally breaking through the shock, giving him the control over his body back. “Maybe it did for you, but not for me! This is... an alternative universe. You know nothing about me! And about Spock! He hates me, do you hear!?”

Now Leonard got angry as well. Gone was the smile, the amused twinkle in his eyes and McCoy wondered if he always looked this scary when he was angry?

“He does not hate you!”, Leonard countered: “This is exactly what I was afraid of! Look at you! You are on the best ship in the fleet, surrounded by friends who love and respect you and you just cannot see it! Do you think it is normal for the medical chief to be on the bridge all the time? To go on all the away missions? Jim likes having you around, for God's sake! Same goes for Spock! Why did it take me so damn long to realise that!? You're not a failure! You think that you drive people away with your snark but, surprise, they actually like it! Open your eyes, boy!”

“Do not ever call me boy again!”, McCoy jumped in but Leonard too had gotten himself enraged to a point where he would not stop.

“I will call you whatever the hell I want, boy, and you will listen!”, he snapped: “How much I would give to have this kind of information at your age! Hell, it took us almost thirty years to realise that we should have been together from the very beginning! So many years of my life wasted because of my own insecurity! Thinking no one could ever love me ever again. You are worth so much more than you think, let me tell you that! And you deserve to be happy!”

Silence followed. They stared at each other and it was hard to determine who was angrier at the moment.

“Damn!”, Leonard finally said: “Spock's right. I do have anger issues, don't I?”

McCoy wanted to smile at the irony but he couldn't. He couldn't do anything.

“Your readings look normal”, he said after a very long pause, stretching the bowl with the necklace out so that Leonard could grab it: “Staff will show you to your room.” He did not wait for a reply, he just left.

“Wait!”, he heard Leonard's voice behind him but he did not turn around. He just stormed out of the room towards his quarters.

When McCoy did not appear at the hearing to record Leonard's report, Kirk was concerned. He knew that there had been some shouting in sickbay. Security had informed him of that and he wasn't really surprised. One McCoy was explosive enough, two... things were bound to get heated at some point...

“Please state your full name, rank and date of birth for the record”, Kirk said.

“Leonard Horatio McCoy, Admiral, retired. Born 2227.”

“This meeting is held to record the events that have led you here from the future to help deal with the threat of a hostile vessel. Would you please describe said events in as much detail as you can?”

“Of course, Captain!”, Leonard said earnestly. He shot a look at Spock. “Ambassador Spock and I were stationed on a base outside of Romulus”, he said: “The Ambassador was to oversee the evacuation of that planet after it had become clear that its sun would turn into a supernova and destroy Romulus. The evacuation was commencing as, suddenly, something unforeseen happened. The sun evolved quicker than we thought. Ambassador Spock had made a very dangerous plan, in case things went wrong, which involved a highly unstable substance known as red matter. When injected into the sun, it would create a black hole and destroy the supernova before it reached Romulus. However, we could not act fast enough.

We had prepared two ships. I had actually learned to fly one of them and it was me who got to the sun first. I fired into it, but the damage had already been done. Romulus was destroyed. Then we got a transmission. It was a Romulan named Nero who blamed us for the destruction of his home planet. Blind with rage, he flew into the wormhole, promising to avenge his people or something like that.

Now, I am not a scientist but I knew that it was rumoured, wormholes have the ability to send you back in time. It might also have been ambassador Spock who suggested that, now that I think about it. So, without much contemplation, I went after Nero, to stop whatever he might plan to do in the past. I entered the wormhole only a few seconds after him but must have come out days later. I don't know if ambassador Spock followed me but if he did, he must be very far behind.

However, on with the story. I came out of the wormhole and crashed on another planet that thankfully had a base on it, so I could inform the federation of the maniac who had entered this galaxy from the future. He could be apprehended and that is pretty much it.” Leonard concluded

“Could you name the date of your point of origin, for the record?”, Kirk asked. This whole story was very strange to him. He shot a look at Spock who seemed incredibly focused.

“Of course, It was the year 2387. Which makes me 160 Years old. Not bad, huh?” Leonard smiled.

“Thank you”, Kirk said. He knew what he wanted to ask next but did not know if he wanted the answer on record or not. For some reason, he was unsure. “Would you be so kind as to explain why you were on that mission with ambassador Spock?”, he finally asked: “He was there in his function as ambassador but what was your role in it?”

Leonard shifted in his seat. “I'm a doctor, no? I monitored him, made sure nothing happened.”

Now Spock interjected. “Surely ambassador Spock would not need this kind of medical attention?”, he inquired and Leonard's look got a bit sharper.

“What are you accusing me of exactly?”, he asked: “I probably do not have to tell you that ambassador Spock is the oldest living Human/Vulcan hybrid in existence. Having a doctor monitor him is not only good for his health but also a contribution to science.”

Spock raised his brow. The two men looked at each other for a moment and Kirk was sure that, had the recording not been running, a verbal sparring match would have been inevitable. To do them both a favour, he ended it there. “Thank you for your explanations. End of recording.” Kirk got up but the other two did not move. “Gentlemen!”, he said, getting them out of their trance.

He had probably been the only one in the transporter room who had not been surprised by the warm welcome Leonard had given Spock. He knew McCoy well enough to know that all his grumbling was merely a facade. Talk like enemies, act like friends is what Spock and McCoy did and he could see through that.

“If you need anything, I'll be on the bridge”, he said, leaving them to it. There was definitely some tension in the air and he hoped this encounter would go better than whatever happened earlier in sickbay.

When Kirk left, the tension stayed. For a moment, they eyed each other.

“What is is, Spock?”

“There are many physicians in the galaxy” Spock's voice was calm as usual but there was an urgency in his look: “Why would you of all people accompany me on diplomatic missions?”

“Ouch!”, Leonard touched his chest right were his heart was: “Words can hurt, you know?”

“Answer the question.”

Leonard leaned forward, his gaze inquisitive. “Is it so hard to believe that you actually asked me to come with you? That you enjoyed my company?”

Spock's eyebrows contorted. “And if I indeed made such a request what would motivate you to follow it?”

Leonard threw his hands up. “It really was hopeless from the start, wasn't it?”, he said to the ceiling then he looked at Spock again. “Because I like you! That's why! I enjoy your damn presence! Happy?”

Spock did not look happy. He looked like he wanted to solve a maths equation. “ I asked you because I wanted your company and you came because you wanted my company?” he concluded: “That is illogical. A civilian on such a mission would be a liability.”

“That's the only explanation I can offer.”

Leonard got up. He had almost exploded his own, younger head with what he had told him today, he wasn't going to do the same thing twice in a row.

But Spock, apparently, would not let it go. He got up as well and as Leonard tried to walk past him, he stood in his way. “Doctor, I believe there is something you're not telling me”, he stated.

Leonard had always been just a bit shorter than Spock but now he was also significantly older. He smiled. “What are you going to do? Threaten me?”

Spock didn't move.

“Please don't”, Leonard asked.

“I need to hear it.”

The old man sighed. As he studied Spock's face there was some pity in his own features. “I remember when you were like this”, he said: “Conflicted and” He paused then decided that it did not matter any more, the cat was out of the bag, wasn't it? “Scared. Scared of your own feelings.” He stretched out his hand and touched Spock's arm right below the shoulder. “I'm sorry. For all that you had to endure. It was cruel and you didn't deserve it.”

Spock didn't move. He did not flinch away when the doctor's hand touched him.

“Why were you on that mission with ambassador Spock?”, he repeated the question.

Leonard let go of the Vulcan's arm. “I think you know the answer to that.” He reached for his necklace and pulled out the pendant from under his shirt. Spock stared at it. “You gave this to me”, Leonard stated. Then he waited.

Spock's eyes widened. His face only changed slightly but for him it was a massive reaction at this time of his life. His gaze went form the pendant to Leonard's eyes, as if he needed further conformation. Leonard just looked at him. His gaze was very soft. _I'm sorry_ , it seemed to say.

“How?”, Spock asked.

“Well, that's a long story but it took us actually thirty years to figure things out.”

“I don't understand. Doctor McCoy hates me.”

“Isn't that funny?”, Leonard stated: “you both seemed to be under the impression that the other person hates you when in reality the opposite is true.”

“May I see?” Spock immediately shut his mouth as if he had not meant to say that but there was an urgency in his eyes.

“Yes.” Leonard did not hesitate. He needed them to know!

Spock raised his right hand and placed his fingers on the doctor's face, applying slight pressure on his temple and near his nose. Leonard closed his eyes. They had done this so often, that his mind slipped into the connection with ease. He shared what he felt like sharing. Emotions, little snippets, two minds so different and yet in perfect harmony. A total improbability, that somehow had become reality. A feeling of belonging, and peace, warmth and comfort in each others company.

When Spock broke the connection, Leonard opened his eyes again. There was a single tear running down the Vulcan's cheek. He wiped it away with an efficient motion.

“Thank you”, Spock said.

“Any time.”

“I never thought that this was possible. This kind of connection with another being.” He paused and his gaze wandered off into the distance. “I never knew what I was missing” He said quietly.

Leonard could see it in the Vulcan's face: The revelation that had once taken him thirty years, all of a sudden on his still very young features. The doctor's voice was very soft when he said “Me neither.”

With a sharp turn of his head, Spock got himself out of his thought “I need to talk to present-day McCoy about this,” he declared.

Leonard raised an eyebrow. “Probably, but I would tread lightly, if I were you. Apparently, I am a very... emotional human.”

Spock raised his eyebrow in return. “Be assured that I am aware of that, Doctor.” And for a moment, there was a hint of a smile in the corners of his mouth.

McCoy was being very emotional in his office, aggressively reading files and filling in forms, trying to get his mind off of things, when the one person he wanted to see the least in the galaxy right now walked into the room.

McCoy clenched his teeth. “Spock, I'm busy”, he remarked.

Spock froze in his place. He did not really have a strategy. Discussing things openly seemed to be the most logical alternative.

“I just had a very interesting conversation with the other McCoy”, he started and McCoy groaned.

“Oh, no, oh please, no!”

“What is it?”

McCoy threw him a pained look. “Pease don't!”

“I don't understand.”

“I don't want to talk about it! Just leave me alone!”

“Why?”

“Why!?”, McCoy threw down his PAD: “Maybe because I don't want to deal with this right now!? Things are confusing enough without... this!” He gestured at Spock.

“I don't understand. There seems to be nothing confusing about this situation. You have feelings for me and I reciprocate.”

“Oh, dear God!” McCoy grabbed his forehead with his left hand: “Please stop talking!”

Spock actually obliged and there was a silence. “Are you meaning to tell me that I am mistaken?”, he inquired.

“I am meaning to tell you to leave me alone!”, McCoy snapped: “You don't know me! You don't want me! I. I cannot deal with this right now!”

“You are mistaken in at least two of these points”, Spock answered which got him a very sour look.

“Listen, I do not know what this other me has told you, but...”

“He has not told me anything. He showed it to me."

“...I am not him and he is not me”, McCoy completed without paying attention to Spock's words.

“So you are denying that you have feelings for me?”, The Vulcan concluded.

McCoy stared at him helplessly. “No”, he said defeated: “But it does not matter.”

There was a silence again as Spock seemed to contemplate these words. “You are behaving most irrationally. This whole situation should not be that difficult.”

McCoy sighed. “I know... I know... I'm an irrational, Illogical human disaster!”

“I did not say that.”

They looked at each other.

“Maybe we should start over?”, Spock suggested. McCoy groaned in agony but the Vulcan did not respond to that. Instead he continued in the same calm manner: “My whole life I thought, logic was the answer to all of my problems but after what Leonard has shown me, I understand now, that the answer is in companionship. I had never thought it possible until today but after what I've seen, I want to attempt it.”

McCoy had flinched at the mention of his older self and he was pretty sure that he was getting a headache soon. “Oh, so no pressure then!”, he snapped: “I just swoop in and solve all your problems, is that what you expect?”

“Not really, Doctor.”

“And stop calling me 'Doctor' for God's sake! If we are actually discussing this!” He made a gesture between them with his hand. “Which we are not, by the way! I'm not some magical mind healer for confused Human/Vulcan hybrids, I'm just an old country doctor in space, for some reason... And for all I know, you don't even have any feelings, do you? So why are we even talking about this?” As soon as he stopped speaking, he clenched his jaw, knowing full well that he had said too much. Spock's face was so expressionless that it must have been by choice and, suddenly, McCoy felt awful. “See!”, he said: “You don't want this! I'm a mess, I'm... I cannot give you what you want, whatever that might be” He pressed his teeth together. “I think you better leave me alone.”

“Doctor...” Spock took a step forward but immediately froze as he saw McCoy's reaction. “With all due respect: You are wrong.”

McCoy snorted, His lips twisted into a sharp smile. He shook his head “Perfect!”, he said: “Just perfect!”

“I don't understand.”

“No you don't, do you?”

Spock did not know what to say. He just could not comprehend what made the doctor so angry. There seemed to be a desperation in his eyes, but his whole body, his voice... He had never seen him so raw and open.

McCoy sighed. The tension in his body was so visible in every move. “Spock, please... just leave me alone.”

Spock studied his features. There was not much he could say that would change anything, he was certain of that “I will, Doctor, but you have to promise me that we will discuss this later.”

McCoy did not answer. He just glared at him, so Spock nodded and left.

As soon as the door had shut behind him, McCoy let his head fall down on the table. It hurt and made a rather loud noise but McCoy didn't really care. “That's it”, he mumbled to himself. He grabbed his PAD and began filling out his resignation.

As soon as he got the notification, Kirk sprang into action. There was nothing really for him to do on the bridge, so he left the command to Spock, who had conveniently reappeared and went straight for McCoy's quarters. When he did not find him there, he went to his office.

“What is this?”, he asked, holding the resignation up, barging into the room without knocking. McCoy was standing behind his desk. He did not seem surprised to see Kirk.

“I'm resigning”, McCoy answered bluntly.

Kirk pursed his lips. “I can see that! Care to tell me why?”

McCoy sighed deeply. “Might as well! I'm sure, soon everybody will know....”

Kirk sat down in the chair in front of McCoy's desk that was normally reserved for patients and, after hours, reserved for Jim as a drinking buddy. He crossed his arms “Tell me!”

McCoy bit his lip. He was standing, his side facing Kirk and shooting him a glance. “Apparently”, he said: “In the future Spock and I are married.” He waited. “You do not seem surprised.”

Kirk chuckled. “Not really...”

“Damn you!”

“So, what's the problem?”, Kirk asked.

“The problem, Jim, is everything! Spock telling me that I complete him in some way? Bullshit! The guy cannot stand me and everybody knows it! I did not ask for this! I did not want this! And even if, for some reason it turns out he actually has feelings and is not a cold robot...”

“Which you know he isn't”, Kirk threw in.

“Even then!”, McCoy went on as if he had not been interrupted: “You know how my last serious relationship went! We loved each other, high-school sweethearts. Until one day we didn't. I didn't do anything, mind you. She just got sick of me and that was it. I couldn't stand it, so much so that I left earth and went to space and you know how much I hate space!” Kirk nodded to that. “I finally got rid of it all, relationships, love. I was contend to live my life and die alone! And now this person... me, from the future shows up and destroys all of my plans!”

“Of dying alone?”

“Exactly!”

McCoy was in full rage mode. He was walking up and down the room while speaking and Kirk's gaze followed him.

“I was okay with it, totally fine and now....” he stopped pacing: “Resigning is my only option. Just getting away again. I can't have this!”

“You know that there is a second option, right? Actually being with Spock.”

“Oh, come on, Jim! Be realistic! You of all people should know best how god damn annoying I am!”

McCoy crossed his arms but Kirk would not let that stand. “You're not annoying”, he said and McCoy snorted. Suddenly Kirk got angry as well. “Don't dismiss this!”, he demanded: “Has the other McCoy said anything about how long you have been married?”

The doctor shrugged. “He said something about taking thirty years to figure out our feelings.”

That was not surprising, Kirk thought.

“Alright, taking this as a fact, our five year mission began in 2266. 30 years from that would be 2296. He said, he came from the year...” Kirk checked on his PAD “2387 that means you were married for...”Kirks eyes widened: “91 Years.”

“How I managed to get that damn old is beyond me...”, McCoy mumbled.

“Don't avoid my point! It being that you were married for a long time without him ever getting sick of you.”

“You don't know that.”

“Oh, come on! Are you really trying to pretend that him and his Spock had a fallout, after the way he greeted Spock on this ship?”

“I'm not him.”

“Yes, you literally are!”

McCoy's eyes narrowed. “I hate this!”

“Believe me, I know.”

“Shit!” McCoy sat down. He stared at the table. Now, Kirk was standing up.

“I am not accepting your resignation!”, he stated: “You will sort this out, that's an order.”

He got another glare but he didn't care. His friends deserved to be happy! And with that, he left McCoy to his own devices.

“Spock you are off duty”, he said upon entering the bridge: “You have not yet taken a single day of leave and I am giving you one today, no discussion!”

Spock walked over to him. “Captain”, he said quietly: “May I ask what this is about?”

When Kirk responded, it was also in a quiet voice. “I believe you and the doctor have something to discuss and I do not want to see you on the bridge again until that is taken care of.” Kirk could have sworn that there was a slight shade of green on Spock's cheeks.

“The doctor does not want to speak to me”, he answered.

“Then talk to the other one, I don't care, as long as this gets sorted.”

There was a short pause.

“As you wish, Captain.” And Spock was gone. Kirk shook his head. This was ridiculous!

It was strange, being on the Enterprise. Everything was so familiar yet so different. But the hardest part was seeing young Spock, when his own husband was so far out of his reach now. Leonard was brash on the outside but he had a sentimental heart and he really missed his Vulcan.

Maybe he had gone through the wormhole himself? Maybe he would arrive in a few months and berate him for even thinking he had left him behind. Leonard smiled softly at that thought but his chest felt empty. “I don't know if I can stand to loose you again” The words came to his mind, spoken so long ago but still so very true.

The buzzer from the door brought him back to the here and now. He stood up and walked towards it. As it opened, he felt a new pang of pain. “Hello, Spock”, he said.

“May I come in?”

“Of course.”

They walked over to a table and sat down on opposite sides. McCoy noticed how the Vulcan slowed his pace to not overtake him and he slightly shook his head at that.

“Now, what can I do for you?”, he asked.

Spock seemed hesitant. As he spoke, he spoke slowly. “I have talked to McCoy of this timeline but I did not have much success. It went rather... badly.”

Leonard frowned. “I am not surprised.”

“He kept indicating that a relationship between us would not be desirable and kept talking about himself in a demeaning fashion. He also... implied that I was pursuing him for selfish reasons.”

“I see.” Leonard studied Spock's composure. The Vulcan seemed nervous. He had his hands folded, as if he was holding onto himself and the muscles in his face were very tense.

“I wished, he would be more like you”, Spock suddenly added and Leonard could not help but laugh.

“Oh, believe me, you don't really” He smiled softly. “When I found out you actually liked me I had a breakdown as well. It certainly wasn't pretty. I guess it's just the way I am. And your McCoy... he is in a very difficult time in his life. I do not want to reveal anything because I think that would not be fair to him but I can assure you there are many pesky emotions involved.”

Spock nodded. “So, what do I do?”, he asked.

“That depends. How comfortable are you with physical affection?”

Spock's eyes widened just a bit but Leonard noticed it. A soft, green blush appeared on the Vulcan's cheeks. “What are you suggesting?”

“I think talking to him will not do much good. He is not going to listen to you. You have to show it to him like I showed it to you.”

Understanding replaced the confusion in Spock's eyes. “I see.”

“You might also want to kiss him while you're at it. If you are comfortable with that.” Leonard's voice was soft and reassuring. He did not only know about young McCoy's state of mind but also of young Spock's. They had talked about this many times: The repression of his emotions all his self hate and the discipline he tried to enforce on himself. Leonard had only learned much later, that all his quips about Spock being an inhuman, emotionless Vulcan had actually been kind of soothing after the ridicule he had received for his human blood on his home planet. Suddenly, he was seen as utterly what he wanted to be. Until, of course, he had changed his mind again and embraced both his Vulcan and his Human side. The Spock in front of him still had a long way to go but he knew that their mind-melt had changed his outlook on his own life already. It must have, if he actually considered a relationship with his McCoy.

“Your advice is confusing”, Spock objected: “If he does not want to talk to me, would kissing him not be far worse?”

Leonard nodded in agreement. “Oh yes, but believe me, it is necessary. Sometimes you have to run at a wall full speed to tear it down.”

Spock seemed to contemplate that. “If you are sure that this will work, I'll try it.”

“And if it doesn't, I know where the ship's surgeon hides his Romulan ale.” Leonard said with a wink. As he saw Spock's confused face, he shook his head and mumbled. “It'll work, don't worry.”

McCoy was in his quarters. He had resigned after all, if Jim accepted that or not. There were no medical emergencies and if he had not been such a damn professional, he would have opened the bottle of illegal alcohol, he kept hidden in his office a long time ago. The bottle was still hidden, though. Resigned or not, he was still on duty.

When he heard the buzzer, he groaned, lifting himself off the couch and dragging his feet towards the door. “Who is it?”, he said while opening it and immediately stared into Spock's face. “Oh, no! Please! I don't wand to talk to you!”

Spock walked towards him with determination and McCoy instinctively moved out of the way to let the Vulcan enter his quarters. The door slit shut behind him. “Perfect, since I did not come here to talk.”

And before McCoy could even fathom what he had said and what that could possibly mean, Spock had grabbed him with ease and pushed him against the wall. McCoy's eyes widened.

“I am going to kiss you”, Spock declared: “If you have any aversions to that action please voice them now.”

McCoy stared at him. He opened his mouth, then closed it. Spock waited and as soon as it became clear that there was not going to be any protest, he leaned in and kissed him.

McCoy melted immediately. Grabbed Spock and pulled him closer, held him, as if his life depended on it. And Spock let go, just let it happen. He raised his hand to McCoy's face and touched him and suddenly all hell broke loose.

It was intense and strange and oh so very good! Their minds clashed and embraced and suddenly there was no you and I and only us and it was incredible. It was so much more than Spock could have hoped for and he felt McCoy's heart beating rapidly against his chest but he could also feel it in his mind, feel the love and hurt and desperate need and he tried to respond, to give all that he could to just – be there. Show him how much he meant to him. There was a new wave of emotion and as Spock finally dissolved the connection, both telepathic and physical, he realised that McCoy was crying. Tears were streaming down his face and he covered it with his hand.

“You bastard”, he muttered. His voice was soft and had no edge to it. He removed his hand, eyes swimming with tears and as he smiled, he suddenly looked as happy as he'd ever been. He raised his hand to Spock's face, caressing his temple and cheek and then his pointy ear. “What have you done to me?”

There was a smile forming in the corners of Spock's mouth. “I simply took your own advice”, he countered.

“Oh, really? Seems like I'm the bastard then!” McCoy chuckled.

Spock simply leaned in and kissed him again. No telepathic connection this time, just the warmth and comfort of a kiss shared by two people who mean a great deal to one another.

When they separated, McCoy suddenly turned serious. “You know what this means?”, he asked: “You have me now, you cannot go back. I am your problem from now on till the end.”

Spock actually smirked and that little gesture, that showing of trust between them, made McCoy smile again. “I am aware”, Spock answered: “And thankfully, we know that you are going to live for a very long time.”

**Author's Note:**

> A big thanks goes to [MaryQay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryQay/profile) for not only watching all the Star Trek movies with me but also listening to my endless complaints about 2009 J.J.-Trek. And of course for proofreading and improving my writing as well as making me laugh with their comments <3  
>   
> After watching 2009 Star Trek again, I just had to write this! Sorry for plot inaccuracies but since the movie did not respect canon, I did not feel obliged to respect it in turn.  
>   
> For me, TOS McCoy is a grumbling sweetheart, while AOS McCoy is a bundle of exposed nerves. Pitting them against each other was huge fun! Let me know what you thought in the comments.


End file.
